R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
