I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize