thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
