They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
