Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
