wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
