9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize