She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
