Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
