We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We left an ass print on the piano.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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