The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
