Cold hands, warm shart.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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