Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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