my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
And then he peed in my hair
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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