wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
