I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
