Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
