you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
