you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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