quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This toilet bowl is my home.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
