You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
