Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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