Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
