if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
third nipple confirmed
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
