I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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