How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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