Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
