Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Terrible idea I love it
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
