DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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