I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
