Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
