I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
