I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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