if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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