I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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