I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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