Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
