I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
