I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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