i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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