The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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