Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
