I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
