Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
