Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
