$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
