There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
