hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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