watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
