Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
