So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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