she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
