dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
