i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
