What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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