so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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