to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
