girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
