bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
