Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
