I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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