you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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