i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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