proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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