that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
