she was so not down for the gang bang
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
