I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
