just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
