At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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